There are no ghosts in this town

So I don't know. I guess, for some stupid reason, it seems logical to blog more often, so I'm going to try to. I mean, I have one, so I might as well.
I'm listening to Future of the Left.
Worrying about stuff. Y'know, the usual.
I only have two more days of drumline. It makes me so happy to know that I don't have to get up early every morning with the intention of marching through the sweltering heat practicing random drills and lessons. However, it at least gave me something to look forward to and to regulate my days by. It almost seems like there's going to be a void for routine in my life for the rest of the summer now.
On another note, I also have only one day left of driving until I officially "graduate" from Drive Tek. Renee and I have our final drive, which I am both excited and worried for. Worried that I might fail or get DOT'd, but excited because I am one step closer to getting my driver's license. Which for me, means freedom in a sense.
But anyway.
Going to have a water fight today, maybe try to hang out with Bunnyman.
Life is good.

Violent Hour

Oh! I forgot to mention my advance "research" for the whole NYC thing. I've been looking through some local New York bands and other smaller acts that play there frequently, and I turned up some amazing bands.

My starter list:
Future of the Left
Parts & Labor
Child Bite
Big Bear
Fiasco
The Clientele
Grand Duchy
Jucifer
Lovvers
Superchunk
Your Vegas
Fan Tan
Kordan

Check 'em out. There's a good chance you'll enjoy them.

Bookshop Casanova

Well, for starters, the Fourth of July was eight days ago, and to celebrate we hosted a family reunion at our house. One of the many guests was my aunt Trudi from New York. She has a nice apartment and is very connected with some people, and she told me that it would be great if I would go up and visit her next summer.
The thing is, she meant the whole summer.
My goal would be to find a paying internship at a music establishment before that time. Hopefully a recording studio or something along those lines, although anything would be appreciated. I would be able to stay with her for that time, and become one with the city. I would be allowed to go to shows and concerts and familiarize myself with the NYC music scene. I would be able to go shopping as well, and meet plenty of new and amazing people.
The thing is, I don't know if I would be ready to leave my friends and family for three months. I mean, it is the perfect opportunity for, well, everything in my life. It would be amazing, and I would have a blast. But I would miss everyone so much!
I guess it's good that I still have a long time to think about it.

On another note, life is amazing.
But that's a story for another day. (:

Wellllll, then...

Drive Tek, drumline... frick. I'm so majorly screwed... P:
Well, Drive Tek will be easy enough... I mean, it's just driving.
But holy crap, drumline was, is, and will be the single most terrifying event of my life.
I have nooo idea what I'm supposed to be doing, seeing as it's kindasorta my first time playing cymbals/mallet keyboardish thing/being in band at all. God, I am so scared for this...

Today...

was absolutely stellar. I mean, it was pretty much the best day I have had in ages.

Aside from the fact that everyone is getting unnecessary and unwanted haircuts... :/
Ah well. It'll grow out soon enough... I hope...
Bah. Fools.

But anyway...

I was in the best of moods. After all, it's not every day that I am capable of feeling confident- like I could rule the world, per say. In fact, it's usually quite the opposite. But on the scarce and few days that I am not having an overload of hatred and self-loathing [emo rant!] are the ones that really stand out in my mind. Plus I got to hang with Chloe after school on Main Street (we got ice cream!), and my drum lessons went really well.
And... dare I say it...?
I might almost be excited for band now. :o
Study hall was so much fun. Basically, some friends and I sat around for close to an hour and talked about the stupidest things. Rumors, tattoos, piercings, boys. It was the greatest! Bahaha j'adore mes amis. :)
Talking to Jessica and Josh during World Studies was pretty entertaining. And then our [insert hilarious short red-faced kid's name here] conversation during lunch? That was the best! XD
I couldn't even find it within myself to have a bad time in the classes that are usually really terrible. Not even the fact that I'm totally going to bomb my huge science test tomorrow phased me.
I finished up cleaning my room tonight. I had to make myself stop after midnight last night. :P
All in all, everything just seemed so... happy... y'know? It was great.

Spring is in the air, my friends. We must learn to correspond our moods with the weather! Make the transition from gloomy and miserable to happy and optimistic. If I can do it, so can you! I can guarantee that it will be well worth your time. :]

Goodbye Blue Sky

As I sit here, the radiant blue of the sky from the first warm day in ages recedes into the distance, tumbling below the horizon. AC/DC's "Hells Bells" blares through the speakers beside me, loud enough to deafen the persons that are unaccustomed to music.


Basically, today was one of the best days I have had in a long time.
I haven't the foggiest idea why, but I was just in the best of moods the entire day.

In World Studies, the teacher gave us a work day, so everyone just sat around talking. We all got into a conversation about Disney and mostly everyone was singing, which reignited the flame that is my love for Disney. Well, at least Hercules and Mulan. :]
Jessica and I made plans for this weekend. Veishea, Disney movie marathon, and a picnic... hopefully.
I got to hang with the guys in photography and watch them annoy the crap out of the nerds in the media center. The nerds started stalking them in the halls. It was hilarious!
That other guy and I had the same shirt on. XD
I got to wear my new Converse!
That one dude that I barely know talked to me about music again.
The weather was beautiful, so I sat outside for two hours, playing guitar. I've decided that it would be fun to teach myself how to play. So far, it's been insanely easy. Haha it might just be that I'm a fast learner. :)
Plus I made the decision to name all of my instruments. Drums, guitar, violin, mandolin... however, I have no idea what to name any of them. :/
Ah well.


I ♥ today.

Where to begin...

Well.
There are so very many places where I could begin.
But which is the best?
I suppose the common, everyday thoughts might be best expressed early,
so I guess I'll do that.

Friends
Honestly, I don't think my friends realize how much I actually need them. Without them, I would be nowhere. Probably sitting alone every night, with no one to talk to, no one to hang out with. They are my life, and I think the world of each and every one of them. All are amazing in their own quirky little ways. They are all smart, funny, beautiful, nice, and pretty much the best people I will ever meet in my entire life. I love you all, guys. I will always be there for you. Never forget that. ♥

Family
Okay, so most of the time, I love my family. I love how I can talk to my mom, and how she just knows at the exact time that I need a hug or when I need to talk. I love how my dad lets me turn my music up and actually encourages it, and how he lets his training in counseling shine through when I need it most. I love how my brother and I can talk and play video games and have fun together. Unfortunately, none of them have really realized that sometimes, I just need my space. I just need to be alone, or I just need to be with my friends. But still, they are pretty amazing, most of the time.

Love.. err... Like
When it comes to crushes or people that I admire, I am very shy about letting people know what I'm really feeling. I used to be such an open person, but over time, the criticism and the taunting have worn me down. I've gone from having no boundaries to being quiet and secluded with my thoughts. I wish that once again, I was my former self and could openly admit things to people without automatically fearing the worst.

School
I used to be the smart kid. Y'know, the one with straight A's, the one that knew everything, the one that everyone would go to for answers. Now, however, I happen to be one of the more stupid people in my grade. I have absolutely dreadful grades, and the answers to no one's questions. It kills me to see myself drawn into a pit of self-loathing because of this, but hey? What can you do?

So, I guess you know a little bit more about me.
If that's how it goes and all, that is.

Differentials

Have you ever noticed that
opinions, thoughts, feelings
all differ and change
depending on your mood?

I wish I was always in a good mood.
I was today.
And I felt optomistic for the first time in ages.
I loved it.
I'm going to be in a good mood more often. (:

Erm... Eighth grade crap XIII.

Actually, I had no part in writing this. My friend composed it, but I feel the need to post it on here because of its sheer awesomeness. I actually love it.

Mystery Poison

Come in the kitchen
I'll make you a sandwich
I've got my mystery
poison in hand, which
you will taste soon

Throw me that jar
and hand me the knife
you will be in for
the ride of your life
when you taste this

Because it's sticky
and it's tasty
and it's just for you
A mystery poison

Come now, dear
please don't be rude
just take a bite
of this magical food
it's terribly good

Because it's sticky
and it's tasty
and it's just for you
A mystery poison

Oh, come close
now listen, fast
I've got one thing
I need to ask...
do you like peanut butter?

Because it's sticky
and it's tasty
and it's just for you
A mystery poison

Erm... Eighth grade crap XII.

This one is really odd... and I haven't any idea who it's about. I believe him to be quite fictional.

Your Song

Hair hanging in your face
There’s hardly any trace
Of you

Your eyes shine with hatred
Someone like you a lot seem to dread
Is this really you?

Music pumps into your ears
You’re all that I have to fear
Yet I love you

Talk to me I wish, and yet
Silence is all I get
From you

For this is a feeling that no one else knows
It never will falter, it only can grow
Somehow, I like knowing that I’m stuck like this
And right now, all I can feel is bliss

It feels like it has been years
Shed by me have been so many tears
Over you

I wish that I knew the meaning
Of this wonderful feeling
For you

I see you every day
And I have so much to say
To you

Communication has gone dry
Ever since you took to the sky
I miss you

For this is a feeling that no one else knows
It never will falter, it only can grow
Somehow, I like knowing that I’m stuck like this
And right now, all I can feel is bliss

Erm... Eighth grade crap XI.

This one... I don't really know. It's not as bad as some, but worse than others.

The Ageless Wonder

You haven't changed a bit, my boy
This really doesn't fit, my boy
You just remain the same, my boy
Why do you think this is?

Please try not to fret, my boy
How about I make you a bet, my boy
If you haven't changed by next year, my boy
I'll probably have to sell ya.

The ageless wonder is coming to town
Let's all run and gather around
Laugh at his freckles and puppy-dog eyes
His youth, the old ones have come to despise

You're sitting in a cage, my boy
You haven't any wage, my boy
Now let me ask you this, my boy
Is this how you wanna live?

Now run away and be free, my boy
Come back and see me soon, my boy
I'll always remain here, my boy
So you can find your way home.

The ageless wonder is coming to town
Let's all run and gather around
Laugh at his freckles and puppy-dog eyes
His youth, the old ones have come to despise

You are supposed to be forty, my boy
You appear to be four now, my boy
When will you start growing, my boy
How can you be my son?

I've missed you so much, my boy
My love for you is as such, my boy
I'd run across the world for you, my boy
And I'd come back as fast as I can.

The ageless wonder is coming to town
Let's all run and gather around
Laugh at his freckles and puppy-dog eyes
His youth, the old ones have come to despise

Erm... Eighth grade crap X.

This is definitely my low point in writing. I'm not proud. It's lame.

Stalker

Watching, waiting, for you to notice.
I stand in the shadows trying to catch your eye.
How do you think that I deal with this:
Trying to hide my biggest lie.

I follow you home, then I hide in your tree.
It’s really convenient, because I live right down the street.
I see into your kitchen, and into your living room.
I can see you in there, talking on the phone.

Because I’m a STALKER.
I see you at night.
STALKER.
I cause you a fright.
STALKER.
I follow you home.
Try not to be left all alone….

I know where you live, I know your phone number.
I know your height, and your hair color.
I know all of your friends, and even then some.
I even know your favorite flavor of gum.

I know your grade in science, I know your grade in math.
I know that last Tuesday you wore your bright green hat.
I know your favorite shirt, and I know your shoe size.
I know all of your truths, so don’t tell me any lies.

Because I’m a STALKER.
I see you at night.
STALKER.
I cause you a fright.
STALKER.
I follow you home.
Make sure they don’t leave you all alone….

Erm... Eighth grade crap IX.

Oh wow... I almost regret looking through my old writing and stuff. It's so bad! :(

Be Kind to Me

Girl
Sitting on the street corner
Snow softly falling down
She doesn't stir

Boy
Walking down the sidewalk
Sees the girl, sitting in the cold
And he stops to look

Girl
Feels his presence
Looks up to meet his eyes
And his discerning gaze
He sighs and leaves.

Boy
Heading to his home
In the morning hours; no one is there
Girl is, though

Girl
Tears roll down her cheeks
Wishing that Boy would come back
And offer her his hand

Boy
Is across the street now
In front of his apartment
Ready to ignore her
But she captures him; He can't tear himself away.

Girl
Knows that Boy is coming
Knows something
That only she can believe

Boy
Talks to Girl
Asks her if she has a home
Why she's always here

Girl
Replies softly
She has the alley
But it's nicer out here

Boy
Looks away
But can't stay there for long
And returns his stare to hers

Girl
Blushes wildly
Can't keep from smiling
And plays with the snow

Boy
Offers to take her out to eat
Says that he has nothing else to do
And that he has no one to do it with

Girl
Has never known real food
Has never known real love
Has never known happiness at all

They walk silently down the street, hand in hand.

Erm... Eighth grade crap VIII.

Holy Jesus, this is terrible! Relatively emo... but what can I say? It was eighth grade.

I Am That Kid

I am that kid,
The one you see at the bus stop.
That sits behind you in science.
That you ignore.

I am that kid,
That wants to be accepted.
That wants to be cherished.
That wants to be loved.

I am that kid,
The one no one cares about.
That has no friends.
And no one to talk to.

I am that kid,
That you see every day.
That you glare at and make fun of.
Even if I can hear you.

I am that kid,
That does no sports.
Or any clubs.
Anything to get away from everyone else.

I am that kid.
That doesn’t go to school anymore.
You don’t care where I am.
But secretly you wonder…

Did she move away?
Get suspended?
Is she sick?
Or is she just skipping?

Later that week,
The school has an assembly.
To tell you all that I’m gone,
For good.

She’s not coming back.
She’s in a good place now.
But she did leave a note,
And this is what it says.


They read it,
Some cry.
You don’t care.
Until you hear your name.

“I loved you,” it says,
“And I cared about you,
And I know you didn’t like me
But I couldn’t stop.”

“I thought about you all the time,
I watched you, I knew you.
I still loved you,
But now I am gone.”

You are amazed.
That someone like me could like someone like you.
You go home and fall asleep.
And you will yourself to never wake up.

You go back to school the next day.
You are amazed
At how much you had never noticed,
And how now, the world is changed.

People glare at you.
They look on and are dumbfounded
At how you seem so different
And now you can accept, that

I was that kid,
The one you saw at the bus stop.
That sat behind you in science.
That you ignored.
And you change your ways.

Erm... Eighth grade crap VII.

Ah man... this is for school. I got an A+ on it, but it is lame and teacher-acceptable. I would have liked to change it quite a bit.

Autumn

Flickers like a match,
The reflection of the sun does
In the mirror my sunglasses make
As I walk down the desolate trail.

No one has been here
For the longest time
The undisturbed leaves tell me
As I race along.

Colors surround me
Green, orange, brown, yellow.
The world is like a canvas
And the trees are the paintings.

Shapes begin to leap out from the shadows
The setting sun casts into
The darkening forest,
And I start to hear sounds…

Could they be animals?
Ghosts? Goblins?
Killers?
I think I’m just paranoid.

The darkness falls faster,
And my eyes dart around
As I exhale the cloud of ice
That is my breath.

The cold causes me to shiver
And shake like one of the leaves on
The surrounding trees
The wind begins to whistle through.

I pull my coat closer to my chin,
And button it up higher.
To keep away the frost
Nipping at my body.

The sun is gone now.
How do I get home?
Am I going the right way?
I think I’m lost.

Suddenly a glimmer of light
Forces adrenaline into my body.
I race forward,
Hungry for the warmth.

Can I be rescued?
Will I perish out here?
Thoughts speed through my mind
And I start to shake.

The light grows larger.

A lone streetlight
Shines through the gloom
And pulls me towards it
Like a beacon.

I wander towards it
And bask in its heat.
Looking around,
I see my home.

Striding towards me
Is my mother
She asks where I was
And hugs me.

Erm... Eighth grade crap VI.

Okay, so I wrote this one for English as well. I didn't turn this specific version in, however. It's stupid.

The Witching Hour

Flickers like a match
The reflection of the sun does
In the mirror my sunglasses make
As I walk down the desolate trail.

No one has been here
For the longest time
The undisturbed leaves tell me
As I race along.

Trees loom out from the shadows
The setting sun casts into
The darkening forest
And I start to hear sounds…

Could they be animals?
Ghosts? Goblins?
Killers?
Or am I just paranoid?

The darkness falls faster
And my eyes dart around
As I exhale the ice
That is my breath.

The cold causes me to shiver
And shake like one of the leaves on
The surrounding trees
The wind begins to whistle through.

I pull my coat closer to my chin
And button it up higher
To keep away the frost
Nipping at my body.

The sun is gone now.
How do I get home?
Am I going the right way?
I think I’m lost.

Suddenly a glimmer of light
Forces adrenaline into my body.
I race forward
Hungry for the night.

Animal instincts take over
I hurl off my coat
That begins to weigh me down
As I hurdle through the dark.

What’s happening to me?
It’s like a spell, cast by a demon
Is captivating my senses
And forcing me to go on.

My skin starts to prickle
And feels like it’s about to tear
Open in huge rips
As if caused by a knife.

A horrid howl escapes my lips
Yet I push on
Farther, farther
My feet start to slip.

And I go down hard
Onto the moist leaves
I feel my body quivering
And shaking uncontrollably.

The fur starts to spread
And my limbs itch
Like an insect is crawling
Up and down my spine.

Senses failing,
I seem to fall into a slumber
So deep
It seems that I will never wake.

Morning comes.
The sun burns my eyes
I turn away
And glare at the ground.

I don't know where
I've ended up;
What is this place?
So strange to my eyes.

‘Twas the witching hour
And I was cursed
By one, or many
That felt it so.

I was a beast,
A creature so terrible
That they were thought not to exist
Except for those that had experienced it.

Ever been a werewolf?

Erm... Eighth grade crap V.

Haha another one of those "I have no idea where this came from" kind of things. Song or poem, I don't really know.

No Name

Girl
Wearing all her shabby clothes
Knowing
Her life is at a close
Searching
For all of the answers
What do you mean you don't know her?

Stalker
Getting high on your life
Waiting
In the shadows with a knife
Hoping
That you will just walk by
What do you mean you can't see him?

People on the streets, people of the night
People doing bad, people doing right
People falling in with the trends
People living free until the end

Mother
Trying to feed her children
Knowing
Where she has never been
Looking
For something to eat
What do you mean you won't help her?

Man
Sitting in the corner
Wishing
That he was warmer
Lurking
Deep inside the alleys
What do you mean you don't see him?

People on the streets, people of the night
People doing bad, people doing right
People falling in with the trends
People living free until the end

Teacher
Smacking all his students
Working
Them like they are rodents
Falling
Under the weight of their hands
And now I know that you don't care.

Erm... Eighth grade crap IV.

Haha just a little song I came up with in about ten minutes, after sitting in the car while waiting for my mom when she was looking through a furniture store. The side door was rusted over, but it didn't look like it led to the main building, so I began my speculations.

Rusty Door

I never thought that I would find
Such a thing outside my mind
A barrier that calls to me
I need to open it, let's go see

What's behind the

Rusty Door
Do you think that you could find it?
Rusty Door
Do you know what is behind it?

Orange on the outside, unknown on the in
It's quiet enough to drop a pin
Let's cause a clatter, let's make some noise
And out will the come the girls and boys

Who are hiding behind the

Rusty Door
Do you think that you could find it?
Rusty Door
Do you know what is behind it?

The door is cracked, let's go inside
I'm quite excited about what we'll find
Could it be riches, fame, or more?
Hurry now, children, get in there before

They come to get us

Erm... Eighth grade crap III.

This is a song, written in early 2007. My brother was playing some unknown video game, and started yelling at a guy in a subway he was walking through. He said "Hey, Mister Subway!" and suddenly this popped into my head.

Mister Subway

Hey Mister Subway
Old black hat and a worn brown jacket
Hey Mister Subway
Playing that music that most would call racket

Hey Mister Subway
You ask for a penny, I’ll give you a dime
Hey Mister Subway
Your days have seen and lost their prime

Hey Mister Subway
Painting on the walls, over all the writing
Hey Mister Subway
When the conductor strolls past, your tongue you are biting

Hey Mister Subway
Does your lady believe that you have a job?
Hey Mister Subway
Every day you come home and say you were robbed

Chorus
Hey Mister Subway
Riding that train’s been getting you nowhere
Barely got the fares for another time through
Missus Subway’s been looking for you

Hey Mister Subway
You’re licking your lips and wiping your eyes
Hey Mister Subway
Food for you is the ultimate prize

Hey Mister Subway
You started out nowhere and you’re back again
Hey Mister Subway
I’m sure that someone would lend you a hand

Hey Mister Subway
You have a blue face and you like to cry
Hey Mister Subway
It seems like you’re about to die

Hey Mister Subway
You’re fifty-nine and counting, now
Hey Mister Subway
Your story is through, so take a bow

Chorus
Hey Mister Subway
Riding that train’s been getting you nowhere
Barely got the fares for another time through
Missus Subway’s been looking for you

Erm... Eighth grade crap II.

I don't really know where this one came from... I wrote it in like five minutes during study hall one day. What can I say? I was bored.

-No Name-

The monsters that live beneath my bed
Should be called the monsters inside my head
They cause me to shake and shiver in fear
Try not to tell me that they’ll never be here
They have names, just as all others do
They can hurt, but they can help too
Hate, love, life, death
These ones I speak in a single breath
Loathing, killing, hurting, dying
When these occur I run off crying
Help, care, give, pray
These are the ones that get me through the day
For some people now, all that’s left is a ghost
To remind me of what I have to fear the most
Corruption, greed, selfishness, pain
These are the ones that affect my brain
Running away doesn’t solve everything
Sometimes I just need to bring
Myself back to reality, back to the present
So I can help the world become what it isn’t.

Erm... Eighth grade crap.

Ehhh wrote this one for English. It's not so great.


The Game

Guns splatter bullets against the walls
of the small house, and
soldiers march up and down the halls;
Ready to take their land.

Cannons boom, the airplanes hum,
gunshots echo o’er the hills.
Troops, they just continue to come
until the war has had its fill.

Of plastic, metal, wood galore.
Bodies cover every inch.
Yet in they stream- more and more.
They take refuge inside the ditch.

Bombs rain down, gunfire joins.
Anger continues to spur them on.
Innocent families lose their coins
to fuel the hunger of the gun.

Many protest, few go home;
they lost their lives, and somehow more.
Depression covers them like a dome.
It chills us all down to the core.

When finally, one last man stands;
he raises his weapon into the air
before throwing it down, upon the ground.
The war is finally done- here.